Hump Day ~ Meaningless and Random Sex

Hump Day ~ Meaningless and Random Sex

by Heaven O'Shey

What makes a person want to engage in meaningless and random sex with a stranger? Is it because of a person’s looks? Their come ons? The thrill? The adventure? Wanting something strange?

Is having your itch scratch so important that you’ll do anyone and everyone? Even if the partner with whom you are having sex with, has absolutely nothing in common with you?

If someone approaches you for a one night stand, how would you feel? We are talking about someone who is not interested in you as a person or wants to have any kind of conversation. That person just wants you to go to their place and have a night of sex.

Why would a person risk contracting an STD, losing a significant other, being seen by a co-worker or family member, chance of pregnancy, and lowering one’s self for just a night of sex. Do you think a real relationship with someone you have taken the time to know be more meaningful and satisfying? 

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Answer Me

According to some recent blogs I have read on lifestyle sites, in the comment they have received, common sense is still not so common. There are still Doms and subs who toss all caution and logic aside when it comes to a potential BDSM relationship. The same people who would not hesitate to question and demands answers in a vanilla setting seem to feel awkward and intimidated when meeting someone in the lifestyle.

Some Doms scoff at a sub’s request for information, and imply that her lack of trust means she is not really submissive. Sadder still, some submissives believe this line of BS from a Dom wannabe.

Even if it is only a casual meeting for coffee in a public place and in the daytime, safety precautions should be openly discussed and agreed upon in advance.

A submissive can often tell a lot about a Dom’s character in his veracity by informing him upfront that she is checking his references. Whether she decides to do so or not, he is on notice that if there are discrepancies in what he told her, they will come to light. If he has something to hide, he can choose to come clean or bow out.

Any Dom unwilling to provide basic information, agree to precautions such as safe calls, and answer appropriate questions should raise a red flag to a sub. Real Doms will welcome interaction with an intelligent and responsible submissive. 

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Men Love Bitches

What is a bitch anyway? According to several online dictionaries, the consensus is that this slang term for an adult female refers to women who are spiteful, arrogant, overbearing, and obnoxious.

Wow! Why would anyone ever aspire to be a bitch? The answer is simple. A lot of men are not only attracted to and amused by these unpleasant creatures, they actually seem to dote on them. To other females (and some males) the very sound or sight of the word bitch elicits a shudder at the thought of encountering one of these she-monsters.

My most recent experiences have been with bitches who were trophy wives or girlfriends. Generally they were younger, beautiful, often surgically enhanced, and confident of their hold on the man they were with. These women are seen in vanilla and BDSM settings, and although they usually irritate the women around them, seem to fascinate at least some, if not all, of the men.

In talking with some of these men, it would seem they are not as passive and clueless as one might think. Some have admitted to me that women who are too polite and agreeable remind them of their mothers, grandmothers, aunts or Sunday School teachers.

In other words, too much sugar and spice in a relationship is just plain boring and is a turn off for a lot of men. Some will never admit it but will spend more time at work or with their hobbies. Others will seek out the company of loud and opinionated women who challenge and excite them. Even though they may not be able to tolerate daily doses of the extreme drama, these woman do seem to have an irresistible lure to men.

A good lesson for us less more polite females might be to let our inner bitch peek out every now and then. This should be done only briefly and in a playful and unpredictable fashion. Unlike some full-time bitches we don't want to overplay our hands and drive a man away, but rather keep him always coming back for more.

Hump Day ~ Erotic Humiliation by Dennis Najee

Dennis Najee is an accomplished author in the BDSM community.  His breakthrough publication, An Owned Life, was a best seller and a major hit with those interested in understanding the basics of BDSM.  As a noted teacher, his works explain the different aspects of this lifestyle while assisting people to grow in whatever ways possible.

In his new book Erotic Humiliation he clarifies the confusion associated with the subject.

Is humiliation abuse or is it something that is pleasure?  Is it healthy or is it detrimental?  I put this material together to answer these questions and help clear up some of the confusion that exists regarding this wonderful BDSM technique.  We are going to delve into the different aspects of this idea to determine what erotic humiliation truly is.

Erotic Humiliation can be purchased at Amazon. 

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Minding Your Manners

There is more to an M/s and D/s relationship than having hot and kinky sex. Most Masters and Doms require a sub to adhere to some type of protocol or rules. There are also different occasions of lifestyle activities that all have their own standards of behavior. Failure to abide by the accepted decorum can result in punishment.

This is something that should be discussed between Doms and subs, so that both know what is expected. It is up to the Dominant to set the standards, and ensure that they are followed. By the same token, it is the submissives's responsibility to ask for clarification of anything they do not understand. This does not mean they question the rules, but rather ask exactly how they are to behave or respond, so that they may avoid being disrespectful and disobedient.

For instance, not all Dominants like being addressed as Master or Sir. It is extremely important for a Dominant to convey the title or name they prefer. Submissives should be cautioned about calling all Dominants Master, Sir, Lord, or something similar.

Under no circumstances, should a Dominant be addressed as “dude, bubba, hey you,” or other similar terms which might be said in jest, but which show ignorance and disregard for their own roles and that of the Dominants with whom they interact. Submissives that do not take this seriously or do not comply with their Dom's wishes in this regard show a lack of respect and lack of commitment to the relationship.

Those who are owned and/or controlled by a Dominant should defer to that Domniant's wishes as to how to address others. Depending on the situation, a submissive who is single or unclaimed should ask the Dominant with whom they are interacting how they wish to be addressed.

Minding one’s manners can smooth the way for Dominants and submissives and can show the difference between those who take living the lifestyle seriously and those for whom it is merely a fantasy or a game.

Man Up and Dom Up ~ I Am Not That Bitch

Most mature men and Doms realize that people are individuals, and all have their own unique flaws and virtues. Unfortunately, some men are stuck in their past with memories of someone who has abused and betrayed their trust. They use these dark recollections as a basis for judging other women and as an excuse for refusal to make a real commitment.

By wallowing in the misery of their past, they hinder their own happiness as well as the one who is dependent on their love, acceptance, and sound judgment.

Having known some men of this nature, I can vouch for the frustration of giving your all to someone who still keeps you at an emotional arm’s length. That was my past, but it is not my present, and will not be my future. While I can sympathize and empathize with someone else’s pain, I will not take the blame for wrongs done to them by others. Being an intelligent, mature, kind, honest, and loyal submissive woman, I passionately give all of myself in a relationship. If a man or Dom cannot respect and appreciate me for who I am, then he does not deserve me. How can I give my trust to someone too bitter and cynical to trust me?

Sorry someone hurt you Bubba, but I am not that bitch. 

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Master Yourself

It has come to my attention that many men seem to feel that just because they want to boss or control someone, this makes them Dominant. When these same people find a submissive desperate and innocent enough to surrender their mind, heart, and body to them, these fellows are truly convinced they must indeed be Masters. Right? Ah, no, Bubba. Unfortunately, many have yet to Master themselves before seeking to rule someone else's life.

A submissive entrusts everything to a Dominant in the belief and hope that he will have her safety and best interest as a priority. She trusts that he will be mature and intelligent enough to make wise choices and decisions for them both as individuals and as a couple.

While one should not expect perfection from another, and misunderstandings and mistakes are inevitable, the submissive is in a very vulnerable position and has every right to expect humane treatment and conscientious attention to details of the relationship. Her physical and mental health is at stake.

When a Dominant has expended time and effort to Master himself physically, mentally, and emotionally, the formidable task of being responsible for another's life is much smoother, simpler, and stress free for both parties.

A Dominant who over indulges in or misuses food, alcohol, illegal or prescription drugs, or one who embraces a sedentary lifestyle has not yet mastered himself physically. He is probably less likely to have the strength or stamina required for day to day life, much less the intensity of BDSM play. Such a Dom is simply not bringing his best self into the relationship.

Dominants who think they already know it all and have nothing to learn, especially from a submissive, are not only dangerously ignorant and over confident, but they deny themselves and their relationships the potential to grow and flourish. What intelligent and vibrant submissive wants a mentally stagnant dotard?

Demanding, arrogant, and overbearing Dominants who have no respect for a submissive's needs and limits, and who brag that they have hot tempers are walking, talking time bombs. These are men who are always quick to judge and to blame others for their own mistakes. They are like spoiled little boys who lack the tools to deal with their own emotions or care about another's emotional needs. D/s and M/s relationships require emotional maturity and stability from both parties to be safe and successful, especially in a long term sense.

A submissive has responsibilities within a relationship, but the Dominant is always the controlling partner. It can be an awesome challenge and adventure for the right man who has sought to master himself first.

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Wannabes

Man Up and Dom Up ~Wannabes

by Heaven O'Shey

Just because someone is male does not make him a real man, much less a Dom or a Master. Wannabes come in all ages, shapes, races, and sizes.

Some men have heard or read a little about BDSM, and seem to consider it the perfect way to find a sweet submissive woman to serve their every need, with some hot kinky sex thrown in as a bonus. As annoying as they can be, these desperate and persistent souls are not the really dangerous ones out there. True enough, their enthusiasm and lack of knowledge can get them in over their head in a hurry. Domly ignorance in BDSM can have serious consequences for a submissive. (More about this in a future post.)

One should beware of overly eager men, vanilla or lifestyle, which want to cam and meet before even taking time to meet a woman. A woman should also avoid persistent men who cannot take no for an answer when messaging them. It is unlikely that such men will accept or respect a “No,” a safeword, or a limit in real life.

Among the false Doms or wannabes lurk the truly malevolent ones. These are psychos who hope to lure unsuspecting women into dangerous situations, which can result in drugging, captivity, rape, injury, and even death.

BDSM involves consensual submission and slavery and should never be confused with nonconsensual slavery and human trafficking. Being in contact with a man who calls himself a Dominant does not mean a woman forfeits her freedom, especially her freedom of choice.

Good, experience, caring, Dominant men do exist. A woman should never settle for less. A submissive woman should take time and care to expect and require answers to her questions.

Communication and time are essential for sorting out the real Doms from the wannabes.

Sensual Saturday ~ Dreams

Dreams

by Heaven O'Shey

Alone I sleep

Restless in the night

For He is not at my side

Dreams steal me away

Hands caress me

Lips take mine

Through the night

Lost in desire

Sunlight wakes me

I feel

Heat by my side

I see

The head print on the pillow

Still I am alone

Save for my dreams

Dreams can be found in A Sensual Thought

A Sensual Thought can be purchased at Amazon 

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Mistakes

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Mistakes

by Heaven O'Shey

The pressure of being responsible for another’s safety, well-being, and even life, as well as living up to the expectations of others, can be highly stressful. Being only human, Doms can succumb to the stress and make mistakes just as any human might do under such circumstances.

The temptation to ignore or deny these mistakes is one of pride and ego, and Doms must strive to overcome this strong impulse.

Admission of being human and capable of faults or mistakes is not an indication of weakness. Rather, it is a sign of strength. Unacknowledged mistakes cannot be properly dealt with or successfully corrected.

The mature and experienced Dom realizes that the importance of honesty and correcting mistakes is as crucial in personal matters as it is in professional ones. He does not seek to blame others for his mistakes, and even assumes responsibility for their errors when he is in charge and in control. He considers this to be part of his role as the dominant partner in a couple. The Dom seeks to adjust his explanations, guidance, and direction rather than assigning blame and punishment.

When the Dom chooses to “Man Up and Dom Up” he gains the respect and admiration of his submissive. 

Thursday Thoughts ~ Y'all Just Ain't Right

How to tell when your partner in lust just ain’t right.

She Just Ain’t Right

When she asks if you want a hot oil massage, and then gets the pot of grease off the stove, she just ain’t right

When you ask if she is good at licking and sucking, she takes out a Tootsie Pop, and says, “Just watch,” she just ain’t right

When she has to take her teeth out to give you head, she just ain’t right

When she spits instead of swallows, she just ain’t right

When she says “I want to blow you,” and then starts blowing in your ear, she just ain’t right

When she asks you if you want to play in the bath, then hands you a rubber duck, she just ain’t right

When she says she can’t wait to ride you, and then she jumps on your back and says, “Giddy up,” she just ain’t right

When she offers to shave you and says, “Spread your legs,” while holding a straight razor, she just ain’t right

When she doesn’t want to have a ménage with Clay and Blade from Trust Us, she just ain’t right

He Just Ain’t Right

When you hand him a condom and he says, “Oh a balloon and tries to blow it up,” he just ain’t right

When he brings the whole chicken to bed instead just a feather, he just ain’t right

When you hand him the chocolate syrup and he drinks it out of the bottle, he just ain’t right

When you ask for anal and he gives you a glycerin suppository, he just ain’t right

When you ask him if he has any toys and he shows you his G. I. Joe collection, he just ain’t right

When you tell him you like from behind, and he puts his back against yours and says, “How’s this supposed to work,” he just ain’t right

When he comes home and you’re standing there naked and he asks, “What’s for dinner,” he just ain’t right

When he ask you to remove your edible underwear so he can eat it, he just ain’t right

When he says he has a cool place to have sex, and then you find out he means the meat locker at work, he just ain’t right

Hump Day ~ Buzz Kills

Bedtime turn offs that women do:

Taking a diuretic before bedtime

Going to bed with facial cream

Wearing flannel pajamas

Wearing curlers in hair

Neglecting to shave legs and underarms

Griping and bitching

Checking emails and posting on Facebook

Texting and talking on the phone

Saying, “Your mom called today.”

Informing him, as he cuddles up, “I’m on my period.”

Bedtime turn offs that men do:

Turning on the TV

Poor hygiene

Not shaving before bedtime

Going to bed drunk

Looking at a nudie magazine

Talking about exes

Eating in bed

Playing video games

Checking emails and posting on Facebook

Making flatulent noises

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Expectations

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Expectations
by Heaven O’Shey

A real Dom will not tailor his performance and behavior to meet expectations of society, the lifestyle, or his partner. Rather, he will strive to exceed all expectations as he continues to learn and grow.

By the same token, he will not simply state his expectation to his submissive, but will patiently lead, teach, and guide her until she surpasses his expectations in her own growth and evolution.

His consistency, firmness, and calmness provide the secure and structured environment necessary for her to flourish.

In such a safe and loving atmosphere, even the most timid and insecure sub will come out of her shell and will be all that she can be. Also, a more headstrong and challenging sub can settle down and behave when she clearly knows what is expected and what will and will not be tolerated.

In vanilla life or BDSM, one must strive to assure expectations are realistic and are always clearly communicated to one’s partner.

Hump Day ~ What You Don’t Want to Hear in Bed

Things Women Don’t Want to Hear

Having him say another woman’s name in the heat of passion.

Did you cum yet?

Was it good for you?

What do you have in the fridge to snack on?

I bought a new toy; I think this is how it works.

What do you mean not that hole?

Honey, I was going to wait until we were done to take a shower.

The game starts in 10 minutes can we be finished by then?

You want to do it?

Are you ready yet?

Things Men Don’t Want to Hear

Is it in yet?

Are you done yet?

Is that all you have?

I’m not doing that.

You want me to do what?

My momma was right about you.

I have to go home and recharge my vibe.

I shaved my legs for this.

Stop poking me, I'm not ready yet.

Just hold still while I get these cuffs on you.

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Responsibility

This is the first in the new Monday blog series. This series will cover different character traits of Man Up and Dom Up. This week’s trait is responsibility.


In Trust Us, Lance tells Clay and Blade, “Man up and Dom up.” Lance was telling them to quit acting like fools, and start behaving like the men and Doms they are.


Being a man and a Dom is more than being in control. It is taking responsibility for one who is dependent upon you. That means being there in mind, body, and spirit, in bad times as well as good. This involves taking the time to know another well enough to anticipate and fulfill their needs. It also means, being strong enough to make tough decisions and choices for someone else when it is their best interest, even when it is not in your own.


One that is accountable does not take on more than he handle. If he is not able to invest the time necessary for a relationship to be successful, he will not initiate one.


A real man or Dom accepts responsibility without hesitation, whining, or complaining. Being responsible is who and what he is, a man of honor who instills trust in those he cares for.

Thursday Thoughts ~ Nude or Naked?

Shedding your clothes and having sex is not difficult. People do that all the time.


Do you want more from a relationship than that? I am not saying you should. That is, of course, your choice.


Exposing your mind, heart, and soul to another is another matter. Trusting and caring enough to allow another to see not just your physical body and its possible imperfections, but also your thoughts, fears, needs, hopes, and dreams is a major step. 


Vulnerability on that level is truly being naked!

Soul Mate Sunday ~ No Wimps or Jerks Need Apply

According to some sources, a soul mate is someone who shares one's interests and values and is agreeable and supportive. There's certainly nothing wrong with that.


As a creative spirit, I need someone who not only does not suppress or stifle my creativity, but who would never dream of doing so.


However, I believe for long term success in any relationship, I also need someone who will be honest, strong, mature, and secure enough to call me on my bullshit. Yes, you heard me right!


While I do not need some obnoxious jerk in my life, neither do I want some wimpy yes man. The secret, of course, lies not only in what a man says, but how he says it, when, where, and why.


A man who is not afraid to speak his mind, share his truth and himself with me, and risk my wrath is well worth my time and trouble. This is a man who cares and is intelligent enough to actually communicate.


His courage and honesty assures me that he is there for the duration and there because he wants to be with me. His caring enough to stand up to me also shows me that he has taken the time to know me, and to say what he feels he need to with the confidence that I will respect him for it. If he knows me well enough, we may both even laugh about it.


It also encourages me to open up and trust him more and to reveal and yield more of myself to him and to the relationship. 


Men who are too readily agreeable with everything I say and do are a red flag for me. Upon consideration, I have to wonder if they are truly listening and understanding me or just rushing to play nice for some ulterior motive. This is insulting, in that they think I am some dumb blonde who can be flattered into their beds or manipulated out of my hard earned money. Not likely Bubba!


Even worse are those who seem uber agreeable out of apparent apathy. They don't seem to care enough to question or call my bluff on anything. I call them zombie dates. They walk and talk, but have no apparent spirit or passion.


While I certainly don't want an argumentative and churlish brute that never sees or appreciates the good in me, neither do I desire some phony or tentative partner to share my life and love.


Politeness and courtesy are a part of me, but I walk on eggshells for no man. Neither do I want or expect a man to behave that way with me. 


Life is too short not to live honestly, sincerely, and with passion. 


Have I said that already? Well, it's still true!

Vampires in the House

We are all aware of vampires in movies and literature. Nothing like good ole Count Dracula, the Twilight series, or the short lived tv drama, Kindred, The Embraced to make our hearts race.
Those are not the critters I want to talk about today.
The ones mentioned above are easily recognizable (think fangs!), and easily dealt with according to the rules of folklore and tradition. 
What I am focusing on today are "Psychic Vampires." Put away the garlic. It won't help. 
These vampires are subtler, look normal, and feed off your energy just as surely and relentlessly as the fantasy ones do off blood.
These creatures can be male or female, can be charming and physically attractive, and may not even know they are psychic vampires. 
They are usually chronic complainers, refuse to take responsibility for their behavior or decisions, and need to be rescued a lot; they prefer being dependent as this allows them to blame someone else if everything does not go their way. 
They seem to firmly believe that they have more troubles than anyone else and will ask how can they possibly cope without your help and support?
They are like whiney children in adult bodies, with endless lists of excuses for everything.
A good friend of mine called her former spouse "an bottomless pit of wants and needs".
Life with these people is perpetual drama and manipulation, which can leave the rescuer drained, sapped, withered, and as lifeless in some ways as one of the fantasy vampire's victims. 
It is never ending confrontation, confusion, and conflict with the psychic vampire often honestly unaware of the havoc they wreak in others' lives and intensely resentful of any boundaries set. How dare you expect them to grow up!
You should just apologize for even suggesting such a thing...in their view. Indeed, life with such a person can mean daily or even hourly appeasement. 
What can you do to avoid these people or to deal with one of them, if you recognize them in the description here?
If you are in a committed relationship, especially of long duration, it is more difficult, of course. Professional counseling may be helpful, provided you can convince them to agree and to actually go. 
Setting definte boundaries and following through, in spite of resistance, can sometimes be helpful also. Assertiveness with such a person is not easy, but absolutely necessary.
The bottom line is how is their behavior impacting you and the family, and how willing and ready are you for that to change? That is something only you can decide. There are different degrees and manifestations of this behavior, and different levels of people's ability to tolerate it.
Unfortunately, for some of us, distance is the only option for survival. They will wail that they are being abandoned, but continuing to "help" them is not helping so much as enabling. 
Just as you would not hand liquor to an alcoholic or drugs to an addict, so some of us cannot continue to let this person feed off our energy and drain us. It is unhealthy for both parties and goes far past co-dependent. 
Granted, some well meaning and helping people seem to thrive on the chaos and conflict inherent in life with a vampire, but sooner or later, these relationships take their toll on even the hardiest rescuers and caretakers with the best of intentions.
This is in no way an example of professional or expert advice. It is just something I wanted to mention and call attention to after having experienced some of these energy vampires myself. 
There is extensive information out there and help is available if you or someone you know is dealing with this. 

Thursday Thoughts ~ It's Memory Killing Time

My friend Sara BC is letting go and moving on.

It's Memory Killing Time
by Sara BC

My body burns with longing

Tears well up

Then freely fall

For what could have been

What should have been

Your scent

Your face

Your voice

Your touch

Invade my dreams

Intrude upon my waking hours

Stealing sleeep

Strength

Joy

Peace

This must end

Now it’s clear to me

I can’t face another tomorrow

Without you

Tonight

It’s memory killing time

Soul Mate Sunday ~ All the Frogs I’ve Known Before

A friend and I are doing our soul mate search at the same time, hoping to find ours. The other day we were discussing all the frogs we have met in the past and the nicknames we have given them to make us laugh and keep us from crying.

So travel with us down memory lane as we recount the traits of our frogs, which might remind you of yours. 

The first house on the left next to the lake belongs to Majesty. Majesty is educated and functions well in the business world. Socially, he seeks out younger women who are generally unsuccessful in life and careers. He calls himself a rescuer, but in actuality, he is an enabler and encourages the dependence of these women upon him.

Around the bend to the right of the lane is the home of Precious. He is an arrogant and somewhat kinky fellow. Precious also likes to bark out orders on a date and doesn’t seem to understand that not everyone works for him.

Turning more towards the right we come to Big Gun’s house. Big Gun, while intelligent and well-mannered can disappear from a woman’s life without a trace.

Crossing the bridge, we turn left onto a road leading to Lucky Charm’s house. Here lives another smart man who talks a good game, yet has no follow through. 

Following the lake to the right, we come across Bunny Fu Fu’s home. This is a creative man who enjoys being cryptic and ambiguous. 

Although men are all different, these frogs have certain things in common. They are all insecure, easily threatened by strong intelligent independent women, unable to tell the truth, incapable of admitting their faults, and most importantly cannot commit.

We are not men haters. Otherwise, we would be content to live alone rather than seeking our soul mates.

My sister, Shey’s  advice to men is summed up best in Winter of Life.

Winter of Life

By Shey

As hair turns gray 
Just as the leaves of the trees, turn red
Skin is not as supple as it once was
Like forgotten fruit
Sitting in a chair 
Reflecting on life
Tales recounted 
Like howls of the wind
All the times had
Happy and sad
Living in the moment
Reckless and abandonment 
Love could wait until the morrow
Now in the winter of life
Looking at the empty chair across the room
Regretting 
No one is sitting in it

Winter of Life can be found in Murals of Lust.

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