Monday, September 17, 2012

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Minding Your Manners

There is more to an M/s and D/s relationship than having hot and kinky sex. Most Masters and Doms require a sub to adhere to some type of protocol or rules. There are also different occasions of lifestyle activities that all have their own standards of behavior. Failure to abide by the accepted decorum can result in punishment.

This is something that should be discussed between Doms and subs, so that both know what is expected. It is up to the Dominant to set the standards, and ensure that they are followed. By the same token, it is the submissives's responsibility to ask for clarification of anything they do not understand. This does not mean they question the rules, but rather ask exactly how they are to behave or respond, so that they may avoid being disrespectful and disobedient.

For instance, not all Dominants like being addressed as Master or Sir. It is extremely important for a Dominant to convey the title or name they prefer. Submissives should be cautioned about calling all Dominants Master, Sir, Lord, or something similar.

Under no circumstances, should a Dominant be addressed as “dude, bubba, hey you,” or other similar terms which might be said in jest, but which show ignorance and disregard for their own roles and that of the Dominants with whom they interact. Submissives that do not take this seriously or do not comply with their Dom's wishes in this regard show a lack of respect and lack of commitment to the relationship.

Those who are owned and/or controlled by a Dominant should defer to that Domniant's wishes as to how to address others. Depending on the situation, a submissive who is single or unclaimed should ask the Dominant with whom they are interacting how they wish to be addressed.

Minding one’s manners can smooth the way for Dominants and submissives and can show the difference between those who take living the lifestyle seriously and those for whom it is merely a fantasy or a game.


  1. For those who might be unsure or having a difficult time thinking outside the box; think of it as a 1950's household.
    This, in no way, is the kind of example that demeans submissive or forces them to leave their intelligence at the door, it simply gives you a bases for what Heaven is saying - proper protocols are very much based like the manners of a 50s household where guests are treated with respect and not just told "there's the fridge, help yourself."

  2. Yes, what Jennifer said, is true. As romance writers, sometimes fiction overshadows the facts. That's why I started writing this blog series to educate those who might be wanting more information on the lifestyle.
    Personally, if I am to be a submissive to a Dominant, he must respect me, my limits, and my intelligence.
    Now, there are submissives that do enjoy being demeaned, more on that in Friday's post as my guest author has a new release on the subject.