Monday, October 1, 2012

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Answer Me

According to some recent blogs I have read on lifestyle sites, in the comment they have received, common sense is still not so common. There are still Doms and subs who toss all caution and logic aside when it comes to a potential BDSM relationship. The same people who would not hesitate to question and demands answers in a vanilla setting seem to feel awkward and intimidated when meeting someone in the lifestyle.

Some Doms scoff at a sub’s request for information, and imply that her lack of trust means she is not really submissive. Sadder still, some submissives believe this line of BS from a Dom wannabe.

Even if it is only a casual meeting for coffee in a public place and in the daytime, safety precautions should be openly discussed and agreed upon in advance.

A submissive can often tell a lot about a Dom’s character in his veracity by informing him upfront that she is checking his references. Whether she decides to do so or not, he is on notice that if there are discrepancies in what he told her, they will come to light. If he has something to hide, he can choose to come clean or bow out.

Any Dom unwilling to provide basic information, agree to precautions such as safe calls, and answer appropriate questions should raise a red flag to a sub. Real Doms will welcome interaction with an intelligent and responsible submissive. 


  1. Unfortunately, "real Doms" are really rare. *Really* really rare. From what I've seen in three different cities, the lifestyle is a flashing neon sign attracting the dysfunctional. It's an environment that puts spineless, insecure doormats together with predators and sociopaths and calls it "a beautiful D/s relationship."


    Self-respect in a sub is interpreted as everything from "a mis-labeled Domme" to "flat-out bitch."

    I think that's mainly why I got out of the scene.

  2. Heaven, I couldn't agree with you more. Safety needs to come first, especially in real life. A desire to be cautious should not equate to a lack of submission in a new relationship. In my mind, a Dom should welcome a submissive's doubts and questions if he cares at all for her welfare. JMHO.