Hump Day ~ Buzz Kills

Bedtime turn offs that women do:

Taking a diuretic before bedtime

Going to bed with facial cream

Wearing flannel pajamas

Wearing curlers in hair

Neglecting to shave legs and underarms

Griping and bitching

Checking emails and posting on Facebook

Texting and talking on the phone

Saying, “Your mom called today.”

Informing him, as he cuddles up, “I’m on my period.”

Bedtime turn offs that men do:

Turning on the TV

Poor hygiene

Not shaving before bedtime

Going to bed drunk

Looking at a nudie magazine

Talking about exes

Eating in bed

Playing video games

Checking emails and posting on Facebook

Making flatulent noises

Hump Day ~ What You Don’t Want to Hear in Bed

Things Women Don’t Want to Hear

Having him say another woman’s name in the heat of passion.

Did you cum yet?

Was it good for you?

What do you have in the fridge to snack on?

I bought a new toy; I think this is how it works.

What do you mean not that hole?

Honey, I was going to wait until we were done to take a shower.

The game starts in 10 minutes can we be finished by then?

You want to do it?

Are you ready yet?

Things Men Don’t Want to Hear

Is it in yet?

Are you done yet?

Is that all you have?

I’m not doing that.

You want me to do what?

My momma was right about you.

I have to go home and recharge my vibe.

I shaved my legs for this.

Stop poking me, I'm not ready yet.

Just hold still while I get these cuffs on you.

Soul Mate Sunday ~ All the Frogs I’ve Known Before

A friend and I are doing our soul mate search at the same time, hoping to find ours. The other day we were discussing all the frogs we have met in the past and the nicknames we have given them to make us laugh and keep us from crying.

So travel with us down memory lane as we recount the traits of our frogs, which might remind you of yours. 

The first house on the left next to the lake belongs to Majesty. Majesty is educated and functions well in the business world. Socially, he seeks out younger women who are generally unsuccessful in life and careers. He calls himself a rescuer, but in actuality, he is an enabler and encourages the dependence of these women upon him.

Around the bend to the right of the lane is the home of Precious. He is an arrogant and somewhat kinky fellow. Precious also likes to bark out orders on a date and doesn’t seem to understand that not everyone works for him.

Turning more towards the right we come to Big Gun’s house. Big Gun, while intelligent and well-mannered can disappear from a woman’s life without a trace.

Crossing the bridge, we turn left onto a road leading to Lucky Charm’s house. Here lives another smart man who talks a good game, yet has no follow through. 

Following the lake to the right, we come across Bunny Fu Fu’s home. This is a creative man who enjoys being cryptic and ambiguous. 

Although men are all different, these frogs have certain things in common. They are all insecure, easily threatened by strong intelligent independent women, unable to tell the truth, incapable of admitting their faults, and most importantly cannot commit.

We are not men haters. Otherwise, we would be content to live alone rather than seeking our soul mates.

My sister, Shey’s  advice to men is summed up best in Winter of Life.

Winter of Life

By Shey

As hair turns gray 
Just as the leaves of the trees, turn red
Skin is not as supple as it once was
Like forgotten fruit
Sitting in a chair 
Reflecting on life
Tales recounted 
Like howls of the wind
All the times had
Happy and sad
Living in the moment
Reckless and abandonment 
Love could wait until the morrow
Now in the winter of life
Looking at the empty chair across the room
Regretting 
No one is sitting in it

Winter of Life can be found in Murals of Lust.

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