Man Up and Dom Up ~ Answer Me

According to some recent blogs I have read on lifestyle sites, in the comment they have received, common sense is still not so common. There are still Doms and subs who toss all caution and logic aside when it comes to a potential BDSM relationship. The same people who would not hesitate to question and demands answers in a vanilla setting seem to feel awkward and intimidated when meeting someone in the lifestyle.

Some Doms scoff at a sub’s request for information, and imply that her lack of trust means she is not really submissive. Sadder still, some submissives believe this line of BS from a Dom wannabe.

Even if it is only a casual meeting for coffee in a public place and in the daytime, safety precautions should be openly discussed and agreed upon in advance.

A submissive can often tell a lot about a Dom’s character in his veracity by informing him upfront that she is checking his references. Whether she decides to do so or not, he is on notice that if there are discrepancies in what he told her, they will come to light. If he has something to hide, he can choose to come clean or bow out.

Any Dom unwilling to provide basic information, agree to precautions such as safe calls, and answer appropriate questions should raise a red flag to a sub. Real Doms will welcome interaction with an intelligent and responsible submissive. 

Hump Day ~ Erotic Humiliation by Dennis Najee

Dennis Najee is an accomplished author in the BDSM community.  His breakthrough publication, An Owned Life, was a best seller and a major hit with those interested in understanding the basics of BDSM.  As a noted teacher, his works explain the different aspects of this lifestyle while assisting people to grow in whatever ways possible.

In his new book Erotic Humiliation he clarifies the confusion associated with the subject.

Is humiliation abuse or is it something that is pleasure?  Is it healthy or is it detrimental?  I put this material together to answer these questions and help clear up some of the confusion that exists regarding this wonderful BDSM technique.  We are going to delve into the different aspects of this idea to determine what erotic humiliation truly is.

Erotic Humiliation can be purchased at Amazon. 

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Minding Your Manners

There is more to an M/s and D/s relationship than having hot and kinky sex. Most Masters and Doms require a sub to adhere to some type of protocol or rules. There are also different occasions of lifestyle activities that all have their own standards of behavior. Failure to abide by the accepted decorum can result in punishment.

This is something that should be discussed between Doms and subs, so that both know what is expected. It is up to the Dominant to set the standards, and ensure that they are followed. By the same token, it is the submissives's responsibility to ask for clarification of anything they do not understand. This does not mean they question the rules, but rather ask exactly how they are to behave or respond, so that they may avoid being disrespectful and disobedient.

For instance, not all Dominants like being addressed as Master or Sir. It is extremely important for a Dominant to convey the title or name they prefer. Submissives should be cautioned about calling all Dominants Master, Sir, Lord, or something similar.

Under no circumstances, should a Dominant be addressed as “dude, bubba, hey you,” or other similar terms which might be said in jest, but which show ignorance and disregard for their own roles and that of the Dominants with whom they interact. Submissives that do not take this seriously or do not comply with their Dom's wishes in this regard show a lack of respect and lack of commitment to the relationship.

Those who are owned and/or controlled by a Dominant should defer to that Domniant's wishes as to how to address others. Depending on the situation, a submissive who is single or unclaimed should ask the Dominant with whom they are interacting how they wish to be addressed.

Minding one’s manners can smooth the way for Dominants and submissives and can show the difference between those who take living the lifestyle seriously and those for whom it is merely a fantasy or a game.

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Master Yourself

It has come to my attention that many men seem to feel that just because they want to boss or control someone, this makes them Dominant. When these same people find a submissive desperate and innocent enough to surrender their mind, heart, and body to them, these fellows are truly convinced they must indeed be Masters. Right? Ah, no, Bubba. Unfortunately, many have yet to Master themselves before seeking to rule someone else's life.

A submissive entrusts everything to a Dominant in the belief and hope that he will have her safety and best interest as a priority. She trusts that he will be mature and intelligent enough to make wise choices and decisions for them both as individuals and as a couple.

While one should not expect perfection from another, and misunderstandings and mistakes are inevitable, the submissive is in a very vulnerable position and has every right to expect humane treatment and conscientious attention to details of the relationship. Her physical and mental health is at stake.

When a Dominant has expended time and effort to Master himself physically, mentally, and emotionally, the formidable task of being responsible for another's life is much smoother, simpler, and stress free for both parties.

A Dominant who over indulges in or misuses food, alcohol, illegal or prescription drugs, or one who embraces a sedentary lifestyle has not yet mastered himself physically. He is probably less likely to have the strength or stamina required for day to day life, much less the intensity of BDSM play. Such a Dom is simply not bringing his best self into the relationship.

Dominants who think they already know it all and have nothing to learn, especially from a submissive, are not only dangerously ignorant and over confident, but they deny themselves and their relationships the potential to grow and flourish. What intelligent and vibrant submissive wants a mentally stagnant dotard?

Demanding, arrogant, and overbearing Dominants who have no respect for a submissive's needs and limits, and who brag that they have hot tempers are walking, talking time bombs. These are men who are always quick to judge and to blame others for their own mistakes. They are like spoiled little boys who lack the tools to deal with their own emotions or care about another's emotional needs. D/s and M/s relationships require emotional maturity and stability from both parties to be safe and successful, especially in a long term sense.

A submissive has responsibilities within a relationship, but the Dominant is always the controlling partner. It can be an awesome challenge and adventure for the right man who has sought to master himself first.

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Goldie and the Three Doms

Goldie and the Three Doms

by Heaven O'Shey

Goldie, a mature slave, was confused on some Doms’ actions towards slaves of her age. She decided to get the opinions of three different Doms, the young hard body, the older disenchanted, and the rare intelligent Dom.

After interviewing all three, this is what Goldie concluded:

While the young hard body did want an older slave and had a few things to offer, he knew that a mature slave could help him gain insight and grow as a Dom. In addition, this Dom knew most mature slaves were already trained to please. A problem for Goldie, is that she would be more or less training this younger Dom. To Goldie, it seemed this Dom would be more suited with someone his own age as they could grow and learn together. The one thing that most young Doms have to offer to any slave is hot monkey sex at the drop of a hat without having to wait on the little blue pill to take effect.

The disenchanted Dom, on the other hand, wanted a young trophy slave to show off and boost his ego and pride. With a younger, naïve, and gullible slave, he could feed her a line of BS and she would not know the difference. In addition, he may not have the confidence or skills to handle a strong, mature woman who has lived her life working, making decisions, and knows the meaning of responsibility and submission. What this Dom fails to realize that one day the young slave will grow and mature and learn that this life is not a bed of roses and become disenchanted. She will no longer want to take care of an older Dom with whom she has nothing in common, especially as his health and finances begin to decline.

Now the last Dom, the intelligent one, knows the score. He knows the value of what the mature slave offers compared to the young ones who are clueless to this life and life in general. This Dom wants a slave who knows what it’s like to live in the real world and knows the meaning of submission, service, and obedience. This is a Dom who will not only use her, but will cherish her and all that she has to offer.

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Wannabes

Man Up and Dom Up ~Wannabes

by Heaven O'Shey

Just because someone is male does not make him a real man, much less a Dom or a Master. Wannabes come in all ages, shapes, races, and sizes.

Some men have heard or read a little about BDSM, and seem to consider it the perfect way to find a sweet submissive woman to serve their every need, with some hot kinky sex thrown in as a bonus. As annoying as they can be, these desperate and persistent souls are not the really dangerous ones out there. True enough, their enthusiasm and lack of knowledge can get them in over their head in a hurry. Domly ignorance in BDSM can have serious consequences for a submissive. (More about this in a future post.)

One should beware of overly eager men, vanilla or lifestyle, which want to cam and meet before even taking time to meet a woman. A woman should also avoid persistent men who cannot take no for an answer when messaging them. It is unlikely that such men will accept or respect a “No,” a safeword, or a limit in real life.

Among the false Doms or wannabes lurk the truly malevolent ones. These are psychos who hope to lure unsuspecting women into dangerous situations, which can result in drugging, captivity, rape, injury, and even death.

BDSM involves consensual submission and slavery and should never be confused with nonconsensual slavery and human trafficking. Being in contact with a man who calls himself a Dominant does not mean a woman forfeits her freedom, especially her freedom of choice.

Good, experience, caring, Dominant men do exist. A woman should never settle for less. A submissive woman should take time and care to expect and require answers to her questions.

Communication and time are essential for sorting out the real Doms from the wannabes.

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Mistakes

Man Up and Dom Up ~ Mistakes

by Heaven O'Shey

The pressure of being responsible for another’s safety, well-being, and even life, as well as living up to the expectations of others, can be highly stressful. Being only human, Doms can succumb to the stress and make mistakes just as any human might do under such circumstances.

The temptation to ignore or deny these mistakes is one of pride and ego, and Doms must strive to overcome this strong impulse.

Admission of being human and capable of faults or mistakes is not an indication of weakness. Rather, it is a sign of strength. Unacknowledged mistakes cannot be properly dealt with or successfully corrected.

The mature and experienced Dom realizes that the importance of honesty and correcting mistakes is as crucial in personal matters as it is in professional ones. He does not seek to blame others for his mistakes, and even assumes responsibility for their errors when he is in charge and in control. He considers this to be part of his role as the dominant partner in a couple. The Dom seeks to adjust his explanations, guidance, and direction rather than assigning blame and punishment.

When the Dom chooses to “Man Up and Dom Up” he gains the respect and admiration of his submissive. 

Tie Me Up Tuesday ~ Unleash Me

Unleash Me
by Shey

Who holds the key to

Unlocking my passion

The one whose words speak to my soul

Owns my mind and body

Knowing he is claiming a treasure

No other can compare

With his direction

He unleashes the woman inside

Releasing the bonds that hold me captive

Whilst holding me tight

As I proclaim

My Liege

Unleash me

Hump Day ~ My Boy by Domina Delectatio

The poem below is by an elusive female Dominant friend of a friend.
It extols her feelings for her younger submissive husband. 


My Boy
Domina Delectatio


Make no mistake
My boy is no
Wimp
Wuss
Sissy
Or
Simpleton


He is my
Chosen one
Strong
Smart
Lusty
Loving
Submissive to
The core


He is as
Unique as
A snowflake or
A fingerprint


His heart
Mind
Body
Soul
All freely given
All gifts I cherish


His love 
And energy
Brighten my day
Lighten my load
Make my heart sing


His welfare
His training
His discipline
His control
His reward
My awesome
Responsibility
My joy

Tie Me Up Tuesday ~ Where's the Rope?

This week's Tie Me Up Tuesday is written by Sara BC.


After undressing me, you place me on my back on the bed. Leaning over me, you grasp my hands in yours and kiss my palms. As you stretch my arms over my head, you command, with a seductive growl. "Close your eyes, sara. Grip the headboard. Don't let go and don't move."


My body trembles as it awaits being bound. I've known this test was coming, and yet my trust overrides my fears.


Your hands gently and firmly part my thighs as your fingertips move slowly up and down them. Separating my legs further, you position my feet at opposite ends of the foot board.

Again, you lean close to my ear and remind me not to resist and not to move. Still, I breathe deeply, awaiting the ropes and trying to calm myself.


When you tease and tantalize me further with your tongue and fingertips, a moan cannot help but escape my quivering lips. My body on fire, as I struggle to remain still, I blurt out a gasping plea. "Master, please may I..."

The harshness of your voice startles me. "Not yet!"

Then more gently you add. "Wait my pet."


My breathing becomes more rapid. 

The hot, tender, throbbing clitoris you flick over and over sends lightning bolts through me as fluid drips from my folds and I tighten my grip on the headboard.

"Please Master" comes out in a whine, and I realize my absolute desperation.

Once more you deny me, as you continue to probe, lick, suck, kiss, pull, flick, and squeeze.


My breathing becomes more ragged now, I feel my hips wanting to squirm and my back almost involuntarily arching. Tears well up, and one streams down my cheek, as I sniffle and try to stifle a sob. After all this time, it seems I am going to fail you.


You cease your ministrations, lean closer, and softly say, " Come now sara"


My senses explode in the curiously painful yet sweet release. Hearing a scream, I realize it is me, and yet I am unable to stop. The intensity of spasms rock me and wring me out, while I ride wave after wave of ecstasy.

When the throbbing and muscle spasms wane, I feel my body collapsing back onto the bed. It is drained and sated, still tingling and twitching with after shocks. My screams have turned to halting whimpers and mewling sounds.

You move my arms to my sides, then enfold me in your embrace telling me what a good girl I am and how proud of me and pleased with me you are.

Stroking and caressing my cheek, you add, "Your surrender and obedience are so complete, my pet, that they bind you to me more securely than any rope or chain ever could. Such devices are superfluous with a woman like you. I am so glad you're mine."


You are right, of course. I am yours, and I know now that I am bound to you forever by my submission and my love.